food for thought - a poem
So I wrote a poem today about my struggles with celiac disease (and various other illnesses stemming from it) and how people react to it. My 11th grade creative writing teacher would probably pick it to shreds bc the lines and the poem itself is rather long. But anyway this poem really means a lot to me and I’d love it if you shared it around.
This is for the people like me who can’t ever truly get through to anyone why being gluten free is so important to your well-being. You are more than welcome to show it to those people and maybe it’ll help get through to them.
it rumbles and gurgles
never leaves me alone
makes me always panic when i can’t eat at home
every time someone tells me they’d rather die than have what i have
i smile, nod, and laugh
cause maybe you’re just thinking of the food you can’t eat
the pasta and bread and pizza, cookies and cakes, and many other things
i bet you didn’t know that i can’t eat gravy
or turkey when it has stuffing, or soy sauce or some cereals or oats and even barley
but you know what I’m thinking when you tell me you’d die without bread?
i’m thinking of all the times the sickness has gone to my head
Made it hard to think and form sentences
I’m forgetful and clumsy
Angry and grumpy
I think about how I spend my time in my room
if i get “gluten”ed so no one has to deal with the pain i’m in
Because you’re thinking about how dreary a life without cookies would be
I’m thinking of the times I can’t be on my feet
Of the anxiety over eating somewhere new
While you’re angry I seem so stuck in my ways
I’m thinking of how crumbs made me sick for four whole days
How things marked as safe for me
Aren’t often what they seem
Cheerios and lucky charms are the reason I have trust issues
But please tell me more about how much this hurts you
Because maybe you hate that, when you’re around me, you can’t eat what you want
But I hate that I never know what my body wants
The diet is all consuming
A lifestyle change not for the weak
This thing isn’t a fad that I’ll quit in a week
Forever my life will be this way
Unless someone fixes this and saves the day
Because yes I miss pretzels and donuts
By the way - I can’t find a good gluten free version so if you know of any, hit me up
But there are so many alternatives that taste just the same
Quinoa and rice flour and some magic and bam!
I’m eating what you said I never can
Keep thinking of everything you might miss out on
Because I’ll be thinking of the bullies that were once my friends
Throwing their pretzels into my lunch
I’ll be thinking of the people who tell me to just eat it anyway
I’ll be thinking of the time in my life when I wasn’t scared to eat
I’ll be thinking of the many anxiety attacks I had when I was forced to go to a new restaurant
Crying because I wanted so badly to be able to branch out
But this thing just filled me up with doubt
Choosing not to eat than to run the risk of contamination
And no, that is not just my imagination
You tell me how much you’ll miss your food
I’ll tell you I’d rather go without
than deal with this
this pain that makes it hard
to move, to think, to breathe
i’ll think of that while you find something to eat